Sexless Marriage: Causes, Solutions, and When to Seek Help

You’re lying beside someone you love—or once did—but the silence is louder than any words. Nights pass with no touch, no intimacy. Maybe you’ve whispered to yourself, “Is something wrong with me? With us?” – Sexless Marriage

If you’re struggling in a sexless marriage, know this: you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.

Many couples find themselves here, often quietly, carrying guilt, confusion, or even resentment. The emotional toll can be heavy. But here’s the hope—there are real reasons behind it, real solutions to explore, and real healing that can happen.

This article gently unpacks the causes of a sexless marriage, offers practical solutions, and explains when it’s time to seek support. Whether you’re reading with tears in your eyes or just a bit of curiosity, this space is for you.

What Is a Sexless Marriage, Really?

A sexless marriage isn’t just about a dry spell or a temporary lull in physical intimacy. It’s typically defined as a relationship where a couple has sex less than 10 times per year.

But let’s be real: it’s not just about numbers.

It’s about how it feels.

If you’re feeling emotionally disconnected, rejected, or questioning your relationship’s future, the absence of sex becomes a symptom—and sometimes a source—of deeper pain.

Common Causes of a Sexless Marriage

Understanding why intimacy fades is the first step to reclaiming it. Often, it’s not one big event, but a slow buildup of unspoken hurt, stress, or unmet needs.

Emotional Disconnection

When partners stop sharing thoughts, feelings, or dreams, sex becomes just another thing that disappears.

• You stop talking.
• You stop touching.
• You stop being vulnerable.

Tip: Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy go hand-in-hand.

Life Stress and Exhaustion

Careers. Kids. Bills. Health issues. All of it adds up.

When life gets overwhelming, intimacy is usually the first to go. Especially when sleep becomes more appealing than sex.

Unhealed Resentment or Conflict

Unresolved arguments can create a wall between you and your partner.

And over time, that wall gets thicker, making touch feel awkward, or worse—forced.

Story: “After our third argument about parenting, I didn’t want him to touch me. Not because I didn’t love him—but because I didn’t feel emotionally safe anymore.”

Different Sex Drives

It’s common for one partner to want sex more than the other. But if the imbalance isn’t talked about, shame and distance creep in.

Physical or Mental Health Issues

Chronic pain, depression, anxiety, menopause, hormonal changes, or even certain medications can drastically lower libido.

Why a Sexless Marriage Hurts (Even When Love Is Still There)

Intimacy is more than just physical pleasure. It’s about connection.

When sex disappears, partners often feel:

• Unwanted
• Insecure
• Frustrated
• Lonely

It can lead to feelings of rejection, emotional distance, or questioning the relationship altogether.

And yet—many people in a sexless marriage still love their partner deeply.

That’s why understanding the emotional impact is so important—and why shame should never be part of this conversation.

Sexless Marriage: Solutions That Can Truly Help

Let’s move toward hope.

Healing a sexless marriage takes honesty, courage, and consistent effort. But many couples do reconnect—and build even stronger relationships.

Start With Communication

Not just “We need to have more sex,” but “How are you feeling about us lately?”

Try these openers:

• “I miss feeling close to you.”
• “I want to understand what’s been going on with us.”
• “I’m scared we’re drifting, and I’d love to talk.”

Avoid blame. Lead with vulnerability.

Rebuild Emotional Intimacy

Often, you need to feel emotionally close before physical touch feels safe.

Simple ways to reconnect:

• Go for evening walks together
• Revisit places from early dates
• Share “one thing I love about you” every day
• Have technology-free meals

These small shifts open space for affection—and possibly passion—to return.

Touch Without Pressure

Sex might feel like a mountain. So start with a hill.

Hold hands. Hug. Sit close. Cuddle.

The goal? Make touch safe again. Without expectation.

Schedule Intimacy (Yes, Really!)

Spontaneity is sexy—but when you’re busy or distant, it’s not always realistic.

Planning time for connection—be it emotional or physical—reminds you both that intimacy matters.

Make it playful:

• Use candles or music
• Try massage before anything sexual
• Explore fantasies in a no-pressure way

Focus on Self-Care

When you feel good in your own body, desire naturally flows more freely.

Support your libido with:

• Exercise
• Sleep
• Therapy
• Stress-reducing activities like journaling or meditation

Taking care of yourself also models self-love for your partner.

When to Seek Help for a Sexless Marriage

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, things stay stuck.

That doesn’t mean it’s over. It means you might need help.

Consider couples therapy if:

• You feel emotionally blocked or resentful
• You’ve tried reconnecting but keep hitting walls
• One partner avoids any intimacy or discussion
• Trust has been broken and needs rebuilding

Try sex therapy if:

• There’s physical discomfort or dysfunction
• You’ve experienced trauma related to sex
• You want to explore new ways of being intimate together

Therapy isn’t a last resort—it’s a powerful tool for growth, healing, and clarity.

Real Stories from Real People

“We hadn’t had sex in over a year. I cried myself to sleep wondering if he still loved me. When we finally talked, we realized we were both feeling rejected. That conversation changed everything.”

“After our baby, I just didn’t feel sexy anymore. My husband was patient, but I could tell he felt distant. It wasn’t until I started therapy for postpartum depression that I could reconnect—with him and myself.”

FAQs About Sexless Marriage

Is a sexless marriage normal?
It’s more common than you think. Up to 15-20% of marriages are considered sexless. But “normal” doesn’t mean it’s ideal—or untreatable.

Can a marriage survive without sex?
Yes—but only if both partners are content and emotionally connected in other ways. If one or both feel deprived or disconnected, problems can grow.

How do I talk to my spouse about our lack of sex?
Start gently. Use “I” statements. Focus on your feelings and needs, not blame. Choose a time when you’re both calm and open.

Is lack of sex a reason for divorce?
It can be—but it doesn’t have to be. If left unaddressed, it can create emotional distance. But many couples repair their intimacy with effort and support.

What’s the first step to fixing a sexless marriage?
Start by talking. Share your feelings, ask your partner how they feel, and agree to work on it together—even if that means starting with small steps.

Read Also: How to Reignite Sexual Chemistry in a Long-Term Relationship

For more Information: Find a certified sex Therapists (AASECT)

Conclusion: You Can Rekindle the Flame

A sexless marriage doesn’t mean the end of your love story. It might mean it’s time for a new chapter—one filled with more honest conversations, deeper connection, and a willingness to try again.

Maybe sex returns slowly. Or maybe you redefine what intimacy means to you both.

What matters is this: you care. You’re showing up. And you’re not alone.

Love takes many forms—and sometimes, the most passionate kind comes after we rebuild the trust, the safety, and the space to be fully ourselves.

You deserve closeness. You deserve connection. And yes—you deserve pleasure.